Hold My Keys
- Leanne Bonning
- Jun 10, 2021
- 3 min read
My insides were still jumping even after an entire day had passed. And trying to wind down to rest was useless. Sleep did not come easy for me last night. I was keyed up.
Did you ever wonder where the term keyed up came from? I did. Google informed me that the term came from the old wind-up toys. These toys had mechanical devices in them that would create tension when the key was turned. Until the key was released and allowed to work off the tension, they were said to be keyed up.
Ah! This was a completely accurate description of my situation. I was wrapped up around the axle of my emotions because I had to have a difficult exchange with someone in my circle. A gazillion questions and thoughts ran through my mind. Did I do the right thing? Did I say the wrong thing? Why can’t people do the right thing? Should I have said anything at all? Should I have let it go and ignore it? Now what? Is this my fault? Again? How many more times are we going to have to deal with this?
If only it were as easy as turning a key to release the tension. To become the key toy and just let it go until the wheels have spun off all the tension and the ride comes to a complete stop.
It IS this easy when I remember that I hold the key.
One thing I learned from attending AA meetings throughout the years is that there are times when I need to quit enabling and I need to give tough love. We get what we allow. In analogy terms, if I keep eating cake and do not exercise then I will gain weight and lose my health. Another analogy, if I keep spending money when I have no money to spend then I will be penniless and dependent.
We get what we allow.
It becomes necessary to set yourself apart so that you can see the dysfunction. AA gives people that outlet and they teach one compelling technique for coping. It’s called tough love. Tough love involves setting boundaries with people while being respective. And there is a good reason its called tough. Because it is tough.
I can hardly imagine the tears of a mother who decides to turn away their addict child. But it is necessary to stop the destructive behavior of her addicted child. This is tough love.
Or the heartache of a child who must trade the closeness of a parent for the isolation of protection. This is tough love.
In AA meetings, I sat alongside all of these heartaches. The stories people shared would rip the hide off of any soul within earshot. I had to share my own heartbreaking story.
Forgiveness is necessary, too. I must forgive. Not for them but for me. If ever I am going to find the key to release the tension in my relationships, it is forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t going to change the fact that people do terrible things. Forgiveness isn’t going to force the other person to pick up the phone and say “I’m sorry”. But it will allow me to step peacefully though daily life. It will afford me a space of time to be able to see their behavior as a reflection of them instead of me.
Whether I am dealing with a tough client, a loved one with an addiction, a family member with a mental disorder, or an acquaintance with a mean-spirited person, it is crucial to hold my keys tightly (Proverbs 15:18). Intentionally do the hard thing.
You, dear reader, can hold my keys. Maybe, my experiences and my learnings will help you navigate through difficulties with people in your circle. These keys won’t start the engine of a convertible Corvette, shiny red with camel colored interior, but maybe these keys will help you grow personally and grow in your relationships. When I began putting these things into practice and mustered the courage to have hard conversations with my tribe, we began to experience a closeness like no other. This is my prayer for you, as well. So, here they are. Will you hold my keys?
1) Set healthy boundaries with people in your circle; tough love with respect
2) Forgive
3) Be patient
4) Intentionally, do the hard things
Do you have keys to share? If so, share them here in the comments.
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