Something Borrowed

Something borrowed

I am still a bit sappy and weepy from this past weekend. We hosted a wedding at our beloved cabin. Sixty people found their way to our Smoky Mountain lawn to witness the marriage vows of two young and beautiful people. And to heap on a ton of marital advice and pre-parenting tips, even though babies are not coming anytime soon.

A good time was had by all.

Now that the wedding is over, I am trying to get back into my normal routine. I am reflecting on the wedding preparations and the ceremony and the reception and the work that went into making the event: What went well. What went wrong. How can I execute another event that is even better than this one. That sort of reflecting.

Then I began thinking about wedding traditions. Something borrowed. Something blue. Something old and something new. And a sixpence in the shoe. Its an old rhyme and many brides adopt the tradition on their wedding day as a gesture of good luck and prosperity in their newly wedded life.

Thoughts of traditions led me to thinking about traditions of biblical proportions. Did you know that when Jesus turned water into wine, it was at a wedding? It was the first miracle that we read about in the Bible. The wine ran out and I am sure that panic ensued (or at least this is how I imagine it went down). The bride probably snapped at her mother for not procuring enough alcohol. The bride’s mother and father probably felt awful and ashamed because weddings were a big deal and weddings showed class; or lack thereof. The bride's family was trying to make a good first impression on the groom's family and now the wine has run out and what would people think. Jesus happened to be a guest at this wedding and overheard all the commotion. He decided to bring peace and show his sovereignty by gracefully turning the water to wine. Do you think like me and wonder if that family felt like they had borrowed the grace of Jesus in their most needful time as he rushed in to save the day?

Something borrowed.

I stuck my nose deeper into my Bible because I was intrigued by this thought of something borrowed. And I thumbed back through the pages of my journal as I remembered writing the words “Borrowed Grace” in one of my most needful moments.

Something borrowed.

September 20 - Borrowed Grace. I went to bed last night wrestling this feeling of shame and so I had to pray it out. It is my past calling again to haunt me and keep me from stepping into things that God has created and prepared me for. And in stark comparison to people, why can some people exchange shame for grace so easily while I get stuck feeling unworthy to receive it? Or maybe people don’t feel shame. Maybe people can just move on quicker than I can. Lord, why are you so good to me? Even after all the decisions I’ve made, the messes I have created, the time I have wasted, my thorny issues that keep me from my purpose…Why are you still here? Restoring me. Renewing me. Pouring grace over my greatest failures. You pursue me even when I don’t pursue You. What do you see in me? Moses had a staff to comfort him (Ps 23). Paul leaned into his sufferings knowing that perseverance, character, and hope would comfort him (Romans 5). What did you give to comfort me? Grace. Even without action on my part, You give grace. Yet I cannot accept it. The only thing I can think to do is to borrow it for a while.

I reread that journal post and felt sorry for the woman that wrote it. Me. She (me) seemed so broken. And I will admit, I struggle with grace.

Even after all these years of being a Christian, I still struggle with receiving grace. There is nothing for me to do to earn it. I know this, yet still. Even in all my wasted days and bad choices and messed up circumstances, I must reach out and take hold of grace. That is why grace is so amazing…its unfathomable, unbelievable, and non-judgmental. It is so sweet to take it in and to consume it. Lather in it. Wallow around in it. Or as we say in the south “waller” around in it.

I don’t have to borrow grace. It is mine. It is wrapped up in the greatest love and forgiveness that the perfect Son of God offers. Sadly, I have to tell myself this every time I stumble around on shame and guilt.

Nothing borrowed.

I ask God: “Change me, Lord.”

I ask God: “What do you see in me?”.

I do not want to borrow anything that He freely gives. Rather, I want to live a life unashamed of my choices yet humbled enough to crawl towards grace knowing that He is still working on me. A life that He uses to draw people to Him. This is what it means to be a Christian. To walk daily with the Prince of Peace.

Nothing borrowed.

And to the newly wedded couple whom I love with my entire heart, God’s blessings on your marriage and may you give grace and receive grace every minute of every day. May you never have to borrow grace.

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